Writing & transmissions
EP #12. Tap into the Wellspring of Vitality and Create Momentum with Fluid Structure (+ Personal Reflections from the Void){Podcast}
In this episode I share about the process of the last few months and reflections from a recent void space I dipped into.
I also share:
Insights and wisdom for moving through this time of year, and opening to the transition that is upon us;
Deepening into the call to connect with the soft hum of vitality that is available to us all amidst times of inner or outer winter;
Tools for creating 'fluid structure' in seasons of transitions, so that we may be carried forward with gentle momentum instead of becoming weighed down by dullness or heaviness…
EP #11. Attuning to Your Inner Fountain: A Journey from Drained to Recharged {Podcast}
Feeling drained and disconnected?
Join me in this episode as we explore the process of reconnecting to our greater beings amidst overwhelm and living within the current energetic atmosphere.
I speak to the disconnection from Self that I'm sensing all around us as we navigate life right now, what this disconnection looks like and feels like in my life, how we avoid what we most need when we are drained, and how the highlighted uncertainty is bring up deep fears and calling us into more conscious connection.
EP #10. Bending Toward Life After Loss with Laura Thomas: Rock Bottoms in Grief, Reconnecting with the Core Self, and Mourning Life Seasons {Podcast}
This is such a special episode and raw conversation on reclaiming our relationship to Self and Life after loss with my friend, Laura Thomas. Laura and I met in college and then reconnected years later amidst our evolving grief journeys. In this conversation (which we recorded in May 2023), we both reflect on grief and she shares her story of self discovery and self-love, catapulted by her brother's death to suicide in her early 20's. Her story perfectly exemplifies what it means to say and live out, "I am willing, even though I am scared", and the wisdom she embodies through her 'born through grief' journey is deeply touching and encouraging.
One Year of ELLIE•FLOW
I’ll never forget sending the emails to reveal the (re)new(ed) platform for my work last year. It was a sunny Friday afternoon, and I sat at the table in our back yard. I hadn’t expected to be at home that day – we had a wedding to attend out of town but a few days earlier my husband wasn’t feeling well and we opted not to make the trip. In the liberated and unexpected space that became available, I felt the call, “It’s time, she’s ready, they’re ready, you’re ready.”
EllieFlow had first dropped in a year earlier, during a time when I could hardly move most days, so stricken with shock and grief, feeling quite empty and disconnected as everything I had placed value on previously didn’t seem relevant anymore. I had fully released my previous businesses a month or so earlier, and embarked on sabbatical as I grappled with what would come of me, of my life, of my marriage, of my home, of my family, of my future, and more.
Big Uplevel energy at work (A seasonal reflection)
I've felt a subtle, yet also HUGE, up-level happening internally in the past 8 weeks, and wow, it's been a really beautiful and an often intense ride. I am thankful to feel present to it all even if it's brought up all sorts of things to be with, and this week I wrote a reflection on this to share with you!
I have felt rooted in my relationship with myself for a quite a while now, and more so than ever in the last 9 months. Yet even so, this transitional Spring season has challenged (read: fiercely called) me to sink into deeper trust in myself, in who I have become, and in Life as I continue to explore and embody the much greater capacity I now hold.
The power of surrender when you have nothing left to give: A personal REflection at the 2-year anniversary of my mom’s death
As we crossed the threshold of 2 years without my mom yesterday, it felt like I transversed so many aspects of myself and all that I am willing to dance with to live fully, freely and in connection with mySelf, others, the Earth, God, and Life. I even surprised myself in a few ways this weekend…
My journey from Broken-open to More Myself
This morning I cried so. many. tears. Through the phone, my dad read me pieces of his journal from the weeks leading up to my mom’s death 2 years ago (almost to the date). He beautifully recorded things I said, things Mom said, etc. Then, I sent him photos I have of her from 6 days before she departed. What we couldn’t see or know then, for our own protection so we could stay hopeful and present, always amazes me. There are so many deeply private and indescribable pieces of being with someone as they die, and in beginning the journey into a life without them. There is no way to prepare. Those weeks broke me open beyond words and understanding. I have been forever changed and carved by the past 2+ years.
A portal of rebirth: a One year reflection
For me, August has been all about reflecting, resetting, and grounding into the places I have expanded into over this past season. This week I have felt deeply emotional, thinking back to a year ago and how much has shifted since then. Late August through early October last year I hit some of my lowest grief moments, yet today I stand here open and full of life.
Being with Yourself (+ Free Meditation)
A few weeks ago, I found myself going through all of the meditations I have created over the last few years on my computer. There are A LOT of them, so I pressed play on each one, listening to the tone of my voice and the connection of heart and mind carried through in every practice.
I came across a 6 minute audio titled “Being with Yourself”. The title alone surprised me, as the practice of being with myself is so integrated into who I am today that I don't really need to consciously think those words anymore. But it wasn’t always this way…
I don’t simply want to be alive, I want to LIVE.
My pain led me to the water of living. More specifically, my pain carried me to a point of internal collapse in 2018 where I found myself saying “I can’t live like this anymore” over and over again. Despite my deepest fears, in order to consciously choose life, I had no other option but to open to my pain – to open my arms to it, and embrace it fully for the first time ever. I couldn’t run from it, block it, push it down any longer. If I wanted to live fully, which I did (even though I didn’t really know what that meant or felt like), I no longer had room in my being to do ignore my pain.
The internal grief clock (a poem for compassionate witnessing)
I wrote this poem in the summer of 2021, a raw 5ish months after my mother’s passing (Feb 19th). This expression explores and puts words to the quiet hardening that often happens as any anniversaries or important dates approach when living with grief and loss.
In my experience, grief can can creep up or come on suddenly, and now almost a year later the way it makes itself present in different than when I wrote this, but my body remains powerfully synched with my internal grief clock.
My hope in sharing this poem and experience is to extend compassionate witnessing and holding to others experiencing deep grief of any kind, as well as space and love to invite the sacredness back in to your process.
2021: a year of Loss, deep grief, & reckoning (Part 1)
In mid-January 2022, as I was starting to create this website and open space for my work to be shared again, I felt the need and calling to sit down and write my 2021 story. I had no choice but to journey into the deep throws and upheaval of loss and grief in 2021, a process that, for me at the time, demanded pulling back from much of life as I had known it. As I prepared to step forward and share again, something felt missing – so much had changed within me. I had contracted on all levels and then exponentially expanded and taken new form; it felt weird and disconnecting to share EllieFlow without also sharing the pain and process that opened me to this creation, and the many creations that are to come.
So I sat down to build you a bridge through my words, a bridge that would carry you from who I was when you perhaps last knew me as the founder of Deeply Nourished for Life, to who I am now. As I began to write, the following poured out: