Writing & transmissions

My Story, How I got here, Transformational Journey, Transformational Teachings, Healing Journey, Opening to pain, Shedding and Becoming, Being with what is, Being with yourself, Soul connection, Choosing life, Overcoming fear, Healing Patterns Ellie Thomas My Story, How I got here, Transformational Journey, Transformational Teachings, Healing Journey, Opening to pain, Shedding and Becoming, Being with what is, Being with yourself, Soul connection, Choosing life, Overcoming fear, Healing Patterns Ellie Thomas

I don’t simply want to be alive, I want to LIVE.

My pain led me to the water of living. More specifically, my pain carried me to a point of internal collapse in 2018 where I found myself saying “I can’t live like this anymore” over and over again. Despite my deepest fears, in order to consciously choose life, I had no other option but to open to my pain – to open my arms to it, and embrace it fully for the first time ever. I couldn’t run from it, block it, push it down any longer. If I wanted to live fully, which I did (even though I didn’t really know what that meant or felt like), I no longer had room in my being to do ignore my pain.

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Grief, Personal Reflection, Healing Journey, Poetry, My Story, Shedding and Becoming, Grief Notes Ellie Thomas Grief, Personal Reflection, Healing Journey, Poetry, My Story, Shedding and Becoming, Grief Notes Ellie Thomas

The internal grief clock (a poem for compassionate witnessing)

I wrote this poem in the summer of 2021, a raw 5ish months after my mother’s passing (Feb 19th). This expression explores and puts words to the quiet hardening that often happens as any anniversaries or important dates approach when living with grief and loss.

In my experience, grief can can creep up or come on suddenly, and now almost a year later the way it makes itself present in different than when I wrote this, but my body remains powerfully synched with my internal grief clock.

My hope in sharing this poem and experience is to extend compassionate witnessing and holding to others experiencing deep grief of any kind, as well as space and love to invite the sacredness back in to your process.

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Grief, Personal Reflection, My Story, Healing Journey, Shedding and Becoming Ellie Thomas Grief, Personal Reflection, My Story, Healing Journey, Shedding and Becoming Ellie Thomas

2021: a year of Loss, deep grief, & reckoning (Part 1)

In mid-January 2022, as I was starting to create this website and open space for my work to be shared again, I felt the need and calling to sit down and write my 2021 story. I had no choice but to journey into the deep throws and upheaval of loss and grief in 2021, a process that, for me at the time, demanded pulling back from much of life as I had known it. As I prepared to step forward and share again, something felt missing – so much had changed within me. I had contracted on all levels and then exponentially expanded and taken new form; it felt weird and disconnecting to share EllieFlow without also sharing the pain and process that opened me to this creation, and the many creations that are to come.

So I sat down to build you a bridge through my words, a bridge that would carry you from who I was when you perhaps last knew me as the founder of Deeply Nourished for Life, to who I am now. As I began to write, the following poured out:

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